When working with a coach, the first thing you will do is answer a lot of questions. Not only does your coach want to get to know you, but they also want to prompt you to begin the self-reflection that makes up a huge part of the coaching process. The journey to self-discovery and transformation begins with two critical questions: Who am I? Who do I want to be? The kernel of the answer to these questions lies within our Absolute Identity. This is a concept of self that will help you to move towards a more meaningful life.
What is an Absolute Identity?
Strip away everything in your life – job, relationships, leisure activities, and possessions – what is left? That is your Absolute Identity: who you are without anything else in your life. You have your name, your values and what you love. To get to the truth of your Absolute Identity, you need to ask yourself what brings you joy. Think in terms of fundamental characteristics like “creativity”, “contemplation”, “challenge” or “connection.” When considering these possibilities, be wary of signs that you are missing something in your life and filling the gaps. So, “comfort” might mean you are afraid to try, and “excitement” might mean escapist thrill-seeking. Also, an Absolute Identity does not rely on context. So, something that can be taken away from you is not your Absolute Identity. Rather, Absolute Identity is what motivates, inspires and drives you. It is where you will find satisfaction in your life.
How does Absolute Identity relate to self-worth?
When exploring your Absolute Identity, you need to acknowledge how you are contributing to your self and to the world. You will always have a sense of self-worth if you are in touch with and cultivating your Absolute Identity. On the other hand, if you are immersed in a contextual identity, where you define yourself in relation to external factors like possessions or your job, you will always be on the edge of disappointment because things beyond your control change your situation. A life lived in a way that honors your Absolute Identity will be fulfilling because you are not relying on external factors for your self-worth.
Is there a dark side?
A creative spirit might lead a writer to expose ugly truths to the embarrassment of others for the sake of their art. A contemplator might spend so much time in their own thoughts that they neglect their family. In seeking a challenge, the feelings of the other people in the competition might be ignored. One’s Absolute Identity can be mistaken for arrogance – a failure to be concerned with anybody else. In learning about and acting on your Absolute identity, you need to have some emotional intelligence and not be so fiercely focused on yourself that you become indifferent to others.
Would there ever be a reason to change?
When you’ve done the work to understand your Absolute Identity, you do need to look at it realistically. If you are not achieving your goals, or you are over-valuing yourself, your accomplishment may be impeded because you aren’t in touch with your limitations. With intentional, hard work, you might want to change your Absolute Identity to find an inner self that can be fulfilled in the real world.
People come to coaching as a way to improve their lives. Doing so requires understanding oneself deeply. Identifying your Absolute Identity is an essential exercise in this process. We’d love to talk with you about your goals and desires in a strategy call. Contact us to learn more.
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