The racial injustices of 2020 may have been a pivotal point for many white Americans to recognize what was happening in the United States; however, for many black and brown individuals, 2020 was simply part of the ongoing conversation that we have among our family, our friends, and often times with strangers.
In a year where many of our daily distractions were stripped from our lives, and we were simply left to analyze what we needed to improve, conversations about race and how we – as white people, black or brown people, as Americans – could talk about it in a productive way, left many confused, awkward, and angry.
The challenge is clear: it’s not our job as people of color to educate others; however if we leave it to books, media, history, or someone else, what are white people really learning? Take 7 minutes to hear how you can have a productive conversation about race.
While the context of a friendship or relationship may dictate the level of discussion you can have, you should approach any conversation about race with the same skills as you would a meeting. Before engaging, ask yourself your desired outcomes. If you’re white and looking for comfort or confirmation that you’re a good person, there are other conversations to be had first before you can have a productive dialogue about race.
Consider both your intent and the type of conversation to determine if your curiosities will be productive or hurtful.
Intent
Is your intent to seek to be comforted or to understand?
Is your intent to defend or to learn?
Is your intent to speak or to listen?
Knowing your intention before engaging in what will likely be an uncomfortable conversation will help shape how well you either receive or share information. It is often our default mechanism when in discomfort or in feelings of shame, to shut down and not engage; however, this will not help any of us move towards an improved understanding of our society’s racial injustices and systemic racism.
As a white person, if you are engaging in a conversation with a black or brown person to help them justify your actions or to have them confirm that you are not like others, this is the wrong intention and will inevitably be unproductive.
As a black or brown person, if you are in a place to mentally and emotionally share your story, this is our opportunity to articulate our experiences. Hearing someone’s story or experience is different than hearing the story of an activist from 50 years ago. For too long, we too have shut down to not feel different, to not feel awkward, to not feel the discomfort of not being white, but this is our chance to teach and to share.
For too long we have had our voices and our stories silenced, and we cannot rely on others to accurately or adequately tell them for us. Our time to speak up is now. Silence has its implications.
Activity-Based vs. Outcome-Based Conversations
Activity-based conversations are discussions about the weather or asking about a recent vacation. Outcome-based conversations are ones where you set a goal for your discussion. If you’re choosing to engage in a conversation about race, don’t start with an activity-based discussion and ask how someone is doing after a recent injustice. Instead, set a goal and ask for help to understand something specific; ask about their experience and how they felt.
An outcome-based conversation gives power to both parties, to those sharing their experience and to those listening. Our stories define our lives, our culture, and our history; with the right intent and conversation, you too can have a productive conversation about race.
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