Don’t Fear Your Own Shadow

Everyone Carries a Shadow

The psychoanalyst Carl Jung had a highly influential theory about one’s unconscious: “Everyone carries a shadow,” according to Jung, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” This shadow, or unknown self, contains aspects of a person that they do not consciously assimilate. For Jung, human development and healing require an encounter with an acknowledgment of the shadow in order to move forward in life. It is this moment of acknowledgment that particularly interests me when it comes to development. Fear of what we’ll find holds us back from exploring our shadow self and prevents progress from being made.

If it were easy to face our fears, then an entire analytic theory would not have been built around it. The shadow refers to that part of ourselves that we fear or despise, so facing it can feel like a confrontation with our worst. We worry whether we can like ourselves if we go poking around this unexamined space. We don’t want to know about our shadow because knowing about the potentially ugly or shameful impulses that lie within feels like a small step away from acting on those impulses. So, we fail to look.

Perpetuating Our Fears

Our shadow self is also where our immature, base, emotional self lies. Our shadow self-perpetuates our fears: fears about being inadequate, imposter syndrome, or simply that whisper that says “I can’t.” For some, this fear seems like self-sabotage, but looking more carefully, it becomes apparent that the shadow self serves a purpose: to take care of you in certain circumstances. It lies within and perpetuates your comfort zone. In new situations, your shadow self errs on the side of fear instead of growth. It tries to approach new situations from an old lens. “I’m going to keep you safe at the risk of not growing.” At their core, your fears are your shadow self trying to protect you. And, like anything taken to an extreme, the shadow self embraces risk-aversion like a mother trying to protect their child from living in the real world.

In other instances, the shadow self holds impulses and desires. Instead of fear, shame prevents us from looking at these elements. Our immature self again seeks a positive — rather than protection, it seeks fulfillment. But unexamined, it is a drive that lacks maturity and restraint. The challenge to personal growth lies in first acknowledging that despite the extremes of fear and desire that lie within your shadow self, it is still trying to do its best for you. The next step is to temper that, acknowledge it and recognize that it is coming from the extreme/immature lens.

Reach Your Crossroads

When I work with clients, we initially reach a crossroads where they can decide to acknowledge and deal with the shadow as part of themselves or they can try to fight against it. We encounter their resistance to looking at certain issues, and our work centers on focusing in that space. Often, what we find is an important insight rather than the unnamed monstrosity that the client feared. Even if the client comes to an understanding of a weakness, the knowledge creates a basis for growth that wouldn’t otherwise exist.

When we acknowledge our shadow self, we can practice self-care, make that important next step, and face who we are in that shadow. The confrontation and understanding of our shadow self allow us to come to terms with who we truly are. This doesn’t mean we embrace our fear and desire, but knowing them, recognizing them, and bringing them into our conscious mind will help keep them from perpetuating themselves in our lives.

This post was originally published on Forbes in December 2020. Dhru is part of the Forbes Coaches Council, an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches.